We often hear the phrases, “Nobody has life figured out,” and “Nobody knows what they are doing.” Upon hearing them for the first time, I felt relieved. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough in my school, I felt like everyone was happy all the time. I felt like there was something that I was missing on how to live a good life. So, these phrases made me feel like I wasn’t any less worthy for facing confusion, anxiety, and feeling “behind” in life. It was as if I was made aware of the facade of certainty that people put up.
The Facade of Certainty and Perfection
Why did I feel like everyone but me knew what they were doing with such certainty? This anxiety that I felt, the loneliness of feeling lost, was from the cultural narrative that life is composed of a polished, perfect sequence of events that people naturally learn and adapt well to. I think it comes largely from social media and comparing our lives to the highlights of others’.
The idea of certainty also is prevalent in our culture. The idea that we should be certain about our decisions, about our life trajectory is widespread. And if we feel uncertain, we feel like we are are doing something wrong.
Happiness as a Destination
Though these phrases were initially reassuring to me, now upon some reflection, when I think about them, I think “Isn’t that obvious? Isn’t it obvious that nobody has life figured out? Why would figuring life out be the goal anyway?”
Even if someone does have life figured out for the time being, it doesn’t mean that this leads to them, from that point on, living a happy life. Happiness does not magically come to us when we reach a revelatory point of having figured life out.
In reality, life is never figured out. We all face uncertainty, challenges, obstacles, and feelings of confusion and turmoil.
Finding True Purpose and Authenticity
Instead of aiming to figure life out, we can seek out our own version of an authentic and purposeful life. This is what we are really after. Social comparison doesn’t bother us when we feel a sense of authenticity and purpose.
A sense of purpose leads to more feelings of happiness (Robak & Griffen,, 2000). Similarly, having a sense of living life authentically is associated with lower stress and more life satisfaction (Boyraz et al., 2014).
Unbounded Curiosity
Why would we want to figure life out? If it it unrealistic and doesn’t even lead to happiness, why do we frame it this way? “Figuring life out” would mean that we settle to learn. Figuring life out would mean that we put a halt on curiosity.
We should always be open to new information, because this is new information to learn, grow, and experience life more fully. Exploring different perspectives can teach us a lot about how we are living our life. It can open up new understandings, new beliefs, new ideas and new passions. Being open to new information and to new possibilities is the truest act of self-love.
Curiosity should be unbounded, without limit, without end, spurring us into new possibilities and thresholds.
The Spirituality Behind It
Life is always changing; in fact, the only constant in life is that things change. If we cling to an idea of certainty, if we expect the world to be a certain way, we will never be happy or psychologically free.
The essence of spirituality is that we should be open to all that life has to offer. Even if one thing contradicts what we have figured out about life, it doesn’t mean we should immediately reject it or disapprove of it.
Final Notes
The idea that life should be figured out is one based on the picture-perfect idea of a life that is chronological, certain, and happy all the time. We should not expect figuring life out to make us happy. Rather, we should embrace openness and curiosity, as well as seek to find our purpose and our authentic selves.
References
Boyraz, G., Waits, J. B., & Felix, V. A. (2014). Authenticity, life satisfaction, and distress: A longitudinal analysis. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 61(3), 498–505. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000031
Robak, R. W., & Griffin, P. W. (2000). Purpose in life: What is its relationship to happiness, depression, and grieving? North American Journal of Psychology, 2(1), 113–119.
In Common Light 
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