We are all made of inner matter — our thoughts, feelings, beliefs. This matter influences exudes outward in the form of our behaviors. In order to change our behaviors, then, we should put focus on changing our inner environment.
Lots of us want to improve our lives. We want to change how we show up externally – how we interact with others, how we take action for things we care about, and little habits that make us who we are. We could save a lot of time by changing or acknowledging internal beliefs and values.
Identity Shift Leads to Behavior Change
In efforts to get fit, we may set a weekly gym schedule and, by using willpower and sticking to discipline, hope that this works. We may get frustrated at ourselves when this doesn’t work.
Instead of calling ourselves lazy or purchasing an expensive workout program, what if there is a better way? We can better change our behaviors by understanding our internal sense of identity. An author on Psychology Today explains that the key to behavior change is, “Not about forcing behaviors but changing the lens through which you see yourself,” (Jaffe, 2025).
Using this inward approach, we may change how we see going to the gym. Instead of going to get fit to look cool to others, or to get a good physique, which are outward motivations, we may scan our inward motivations. An identity (inward) focused intention to going to the gym would be: “I go to the gym because I am a person that values being healthy. I am a person who aims to show up a better person for myself and for the people I love.”
This approach can work for other life goals — our career choices, our habits, our personal projects. Once we know what we are aiming for, how that shows up in the real world doesn’t matter as much as the intention behind it. As Michael Singer says in Living Untethered (2022), “If the motive itself is pure… in the end, it will spread light,” (pg. 199). Living out our values (of being healthy) will naturally exude out of us (going to the gym).
Our Culture’s Focus on the External – Doing vs Being
If this approach works so well, why do we not automatically understand it? Lots of us don’t recognize the power of internal work because our culture focuses heavily on external stimuli, behavior, and what we produce. Our culture defines stimulating experiences at the best ones — watching movies, going to the amusement park, seeing beautiful scenery. We also define a good person solely by their behavior, namely, how much they produce.
As Neuroscientist Christof Koch says
“Particularly nowadays, and over the last 200 years…in these capitalist societies we value work that relates to intelligence, whether physical or intellectual — first blue-collar work and now white-collar work. What matters is not what you think, dream, or imagine; it’s what you do. That’s how we pay you. That’s how we value your contribution to society for the most part,” (Tubali, 2026).
We then internalize that the key to connection and living a good life is to do things in the external — and that is that. Work a good job. Have a busy schedule. We ignore what is going on internally. We ignore the possibility to change our inner environment and then see results in the real world from there.
Not only do we value external work, we live in a stimulu dense society — with social media, advertisements, screens within every reach. According to Koch, in this tech society, “What fades is a deeper layer of awareness: the reflective, introspective consciousness needed for moral judgment and for any genuinely creative act,” (Tubali, 2026). This leads to many people having “Never learned to properly pay attention to their internal feelings.” Notably, “Without that capacity, happiness becomes harder to sustain,” (Tubali, 2026).
With society prioritizing work and the external world over the internal world, and with technology’s ever stimulating presence, it becomes harder for us to be internally aware of ourselves, leading to more anxiety and depression (Tubali, 2026).
Personal Example – Internal Values –> External Behavior
When you are clear about your internal values, the fears and doubts around the behaviors required to fulfill them come to lessen.
Back in April of 2025, I attended a town hall meeting led by my House Representative. I was eager to do something in the real world that represented my values. The change that I wanted to see was external steps towards my becoming a more informed citizen. Immediately upon seeing the town hall infographic posted on Instagram, I immediately I knew I had to go. Two months prior to this, the idea of going to a town hall meeting would have confused me. I would have doubted if I belonged there with people older than me, and I would have second-guessed myself — what do I wear, is it even worth it, will I even get anything out of it? But since I did some internal self-work in those two months, since I got clear about my values and what made me happy, the little things didn’t matter. I may have felt scared about what it looked like in the external world, but there was something stronger inside of me that influenced me to go.
Once you have clarity on your values, intentions, and self-understanding, then you don’t have to worry about what behavior, words, or energies that you exude in front of others and to the world. Everything from your inner atmosphere naturally flows outwards.
Doing the Inner Work: Self-Love
Doing the inner-work to get clear about your values in order to stop worrying about your external behavior starts with self-love. Self-love gives us the energy to live out what matters to us. This can be done in a few ways.
- Learn about yourself — subconscious patterns, values, intentions.
- Practice self- care.
- Related to self-care is to practice discipline to keep promises to yourself. Serving our higher good by keeping promises is a strong way to enhance self-love.
Conclusion
Maybe the goal isn’t to curate or deliberately do what you think you should do. Maybe the goal is to detach from excess stimuli, and look inward to get clear about your values and intentions. This is where the real work lies. We need not worry about behavior when we are clear, because it will seamlessly follow.
References
Jaffe, A. (2025, March 31). The identity hack to behavioral change. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-addiction/202503/the-identity-hack-to-behavioral-change
Singer, Michael A. Living Untethered: Beyond the Human Predicament. New Harbinger Publications, 2022.
Tubali, S. (2026, March 27). The inner life we’re trading away. Big Think. https://bigthink.com/philosophy/the-inner-life-were-trading-away/
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