Our thoughts, emotions, and behavior all have a bidirectional relationship to each other (The CBT Triangle, n.d.). When our behavior, thoughts, or emotions are no longer serving us (whether they are causing anxiety / depression, relationship problems, mental stress), and we want to change them, an approach we can take is starting with changing our behavior in small doses to gather real-world evidence that can then change our thoughts and emotions.
In one of my recent posts, I discussed one approach to personal change: clearly identifying your values and beliefs and allowing your behavior to change as a result. However, sometimes the opposite approach – changing your behavior, and then allowing your thoughts and emotions to follow suit – works better. This is especially the case when we have (a conscious, or subconscious) fear about what new thoughts could mean.
It is Sometimes Easier to Change Behavior Than to Change Thoughts
Many of us find it difficult to change the way we think. Our brains find it difficult to change thoughts because they are based on beliefs, and it is hard for us to change our core beliefs right away (Change Your Negative Core Beliefs, 2021). We can engage in certain behavior even if the emotions or thoughts do not align with it. For example, if we don’t feel motivated to go to the gym, we can push ourselves to do it anyway. Or, if we want to quit smoking, not picking up the pack of cigarettes is still possible even if we want to smoke. Former Psychotherapist and now Life Coach, with 265k subscribers on YouTube, notes that even if we do not want to engage in the behavior, sometimes we feel better after doing so (Heffernan, Barbara, 2019).
Especially when we are fearful of certain outcomes, or if we are catastrophizing (which is a type of cognitive distortion), it is helpful to start by changing behaviors. This approach can show you that your fear was not indicative of reality. As we engage more and more in a behavior that aligns with our true values and who we want to be, our old beliefs (which are the source of our thoughts and emotions) will eventually come to change in the way that we want. These new behaviors give us evidence for a new thought or belief that we want to have.
Example
For example, someone may hold the belief that they are worthless. They feel shameful (emotion), tell themselves that they are a failure (thought), and they avoid uncomfortable social encounters (behavior). The person one day wants to change. They feel sad all the time and feel like they are behind in life. They cannot change their thought to “I am successful” because they don’t have evidence for it. They use the approach of changing their behavior. They attend a social gathering and realize that the discomfort that they felt did not lead to anything dangerous.
Slowly Changing Your Behaviors
Engaging in small-scale behaviors that align with a new belief or thought that you want to have may ease fear that you have, and align more strongly with the person that you want to be.
As you engage in more behaviors that align with your new version of yourself, you will come to gather evidence to support new beliefs, and your old beliefs will slowly diminish.
Takeaway
Is there something in your life that you want to change: how you show up for yourself? Do you want to ease anxiety, get more fulfillment in your life? Consider taking small behavioral changes before you have those thoughts and emotions, and see what evidence you can take with you to align with your desired new thoughts.
References
Change Your Negative Core Beliefs with CBT. (2021). Youtube. Retrieved July 9, 2026, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKpTqRzu9HM&t=3s.
Heffernan, Barbara. [Barbara, Heffernan]. (2019, August 13). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Exercises (FEEL Better!). Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VIL1L_ypMg&t=554s.
The CBT triangle: Thoughts, feelings & behaviors. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles. (n.d.). https://cogbtherapy.com/cbt-model-of-emotions
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